Wandering

Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I haven't forgotten about the blog. The blog is a tool to bring myself back to mediations and centered thought/action. My brain has been very active lately, so active that it is a jumble of rantings and incomplete thoughts. I think about blogging and I can't even see where to start. Or how to clear my head. I went to meeting last week. It was really good. That Sunday started off so well, meeting, a walk, I cooked...then the preasures about money and finances and the direction I am taking or not taking appeared on the horizon. I have been in a tailspin all week. I have too many big decisions in the next few months and not enough control over when I get to make the decisions...I have too many doors open, causing a wind tunnel that keeps me immobile. I keep waiting for them to shut...I keep waiting for the way to open, clearly with minimal obstruction...and it hasn't. I am tired...I am tired of questioning my future and my directions and my decisions that got me here, much less the decisions I am trying to make. And I don't have the financial resources to take the first steps I need to take to ease the weight of the crisis looming over my head right now. I try to be still and silent, but my head starts to feel like it will explode and that is not centeredness. I am four years past my Americorps year which marked true economic downturn in my life and the only changes are a Master's degree and the State I live in.

So I haven't disappeared. I just can't seem to find my way.

Happy are those who find wisdom, and those who get understanding...She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called happy. Proverbs 3:13, 18