8/20/2008

Why I haven't posted in a while.

Today it feels quite a bit like fall. It's about sixty five degrees in my room and the little dog has chosen not to get out from under her blanket in the other room to sit at my feet while I type.
It was winter here when I fell headlong into this depression. I've weathered a lot of tough things since it began and I am tired, so tired that I'm now getting worse and not better. I'm in talks with my doctor to be admitted to an inpatient unit for a short stay, starting this afternoon.
I'm looking forward to it. It's a relief to have that space where I don't have to think about if I've eaten often enough or taken the right number of pills. I won't have to do anything but take care of myself, and I'll even have help with that.
I'm in the process of rallying my support network and I need your prayers, my internet Friends. I'm losing the ability to take comfort in my faith. I'm bitter about my suffering and feel He's given me more than I can handle this time. I know that I've been handling this depression far better than earlier ones, but that's hard to access right now. I need your prayers, Friends.

Love,
E.B.

6 comments:

Gil S said...

I'm glad you managed to post this Elizabeth. My prayers are with you on your journey. In my experience one step at a time is good.

In friendship
Gil

MartinK said...

Hi "Elizabeth," Oooph, sounds like rough going. I'm holding you in prayer. I wish a strong faith was the secret to a bounce in the step and good fortune in life but it just doesn't seem to work that way, no matter what the televangelists promise. I wish I could say more than just "hang in there, we're thinking of you." Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself, and finding others to help take care of you as necessary. Hang in there and let us know how it goes if you feel up to it.
Your internet Friend,
Martin

RichardM said...

I fell asleep last night praying for you. I don't know what else to say.

Love,

Dad

Heather said...

You have them, Elizabeth. Don't give up.

Robin M. said...

My six year old son is all excited about blowing kisses from close enough to feel his breath on my cheek. May my prayers for you be swift enough that you feel them warming you.

Elizabeth Bathurst said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. I am home again after a week in the hospital and I'm feeling pretty good, mood-wise. Turns out all those OCD jokes were an accurate diagnosis. I've had my meds completely changed up to reflect that and I'm only a couple of days away from being able to say that this episode of depression has passed. I was able to get back to my faith a couple of days ago, and that was one of the first signs that I was feeling better.

Much love to you all,
Elizabeth